Happy New Year! - Hepburn, Bracco & a New Year’s Eve Meditation

Babes In Toyland - Fellating Cincinnati, Distilled Evil & a Two and a Half Hour Director’s Cut

Happy Holidays! - Episode Titles, Trivia Quizzes & a Sad Trombone

Batman Returns - Dirty Limericks, Unforgiving Codpieces & an Army of Radicalized Penguins

Lethal Weapon - Egg Nog, Sax Riffs & an Impromptu Mud Brawl

Never Been Kissed - 21 Jump Streeting, Personal Hygiene & a Penis Named Rufus

Center Stage - Neck Kisses, Onstage Motorcycles & an Evil Genius

The Secret Of My Success - Montages, Corporate Speak & a Very Randy Auntie Vera

Face/Off - Tongue Sucking, Guantanatraz & a Couple of Weird Sibling Relationships

The Orange Years (w/ Scott Barber) - Pink Denim, Two Iagos & a Dylan McKay Rip Off

10 Things I Hate About You - Selena Montgomery, School Assigned Buddies & a Date For Thai Food

Speed - Confusing Ransom Demands, Elevator Bullies & a 50-Foot Chasm

Hocus Pocus - Animatronic Black Cats, Satan’s Super Bowl Parties & an Extremely Large Kiln

The Monster Squad - Dynamite, Magic Pizza Slices & a Transylvanian Rose Nylund

The Witches - Bogvumpers, Sensible Spinsters & a Prescription for a Summer By the Sea

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark - Johnny Flamingo, Edible Underwear & a Morality Club Picnic/Orgy

The Mask - Driftwood, Surprising Subversions & a Charity Ball for War Orphans

The Karate Kid - Creepy Group Costumes, Inert Gases & a Manic Pixie Dream Dad

Muriel’s Wedding - Australian Accents, Accidental Shoplifting & a Very Long-Lasting Lipstick

Peggy Sue Got Married - Wizards, Rat Puke & a Terminal Case of Movie-Induced Impotence

Fatal Attraction - Vats of Acid, Ellen Foley & a House That Guilt Bought

St. Elmo’s Fire - Saxophone Solos, Haunted Vaginas & a Homoerotic Nike Mural

Switch (w/ Breeda Wool) - Barbershop Porn, Indoor Hot Tubs & a Punch In The Pants

Practical Magic - Stirring Spells, Porch Tequila & a Very Brief Resurrection

Trick - Satyricon, Actors With A Capital “A” & a Jack Russell On The Fire Escape

Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Tumbling Runs, Revenge Plots & a Nun On A Pommel Horse

Mannequin - Department Store Windows, Olestra & a Memo from HR

Clue - The Buddy System, Socialists & a Phone Call from J. Edgar Hoover

Teen Witch - Murder Shacks, The Chandler Bing Trio & a Bottle of Squirt

Austin Powers - Brownface, Swedish Penis Enlargers & an Italian Confidential Secretary

Beaches - French Patent Thieves, Downtown Theatre & a Handwalking Queer

The Birdcage - Hardbodies, Guatamalaness & a Lucky Pierre China Set

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Bisected Hot Dogs, Evita Cosplay & a Yellow Leather Jacket

Encino Man - Foofaraw, Gazongas & a Very Large Sheet Cake

Troop Beverly Hills - Evian Water, Cookie Time & A Goddess/Icon

Grosse Pointe Blank - Couch Insurance, Soup Base & a Red Brick Hogwarts

The First Wives Club - Bvlgari Pearls, Transient Alcoholism & a Classic Six on the Upper West Side

Starship Troopers - Bug Goo, Inappropriate Promotions & a Beautiful Dumb-Dumb

Empire Records - Teenage Girls, Listening Booths & a Very Brief Speed Addiction

Bringing Down the House - Dame Joan Plowright, LA Driving Tests & a Scrotal Crushing

Indecent Proposal - Hippos, Projectiles & a $10,000 Poker Chip

Sex & the City - Skippy, Basketball Scenes & an Electric Toothbrush

The Cutting Edge - Toe Picks, Lederhosen & an Amazing Sit Spin

A League Of Their Own - Unnecessary Playoffs, Red Hats & a Less Creepy Pepe Le Pew

Hackers - Rollerblades, The DaVinci Virus & a Sparkly Pink Kitten Shirt

She’s All That - Dance Breaks, Freestyle Raps & a Performance Art Piece with a Hacky Sack

Top Gun - Over-Douching, Gut-Sucking & a Five Dollar Plaque

Spaceballs - Bumper Stickers, Plan P & a Parody of The River Kwai March

Moonstruck - Manicotti, Professors & a Top Five Movie Makeover

Double Jeopardy - Stockpiled Blood Bags, Taupe & A Chase Scene Through the Dunes

A Goofy Movie - Wet Dreams, Dead Possums & a Sasquatch

My So-Called Life - Flannel, Two Random Scumbags & a Great Leaner

Dawson’s Creek - Size Queens, Common Household Chores & a Suspected Serial Killer

Felicity - Yearbook Messages, College Advisors & a Geek That Looks Like Scott Foley

Party Of Five - Moody Dogs, Monster Nannies & a Junior High Production of The Crucible